When we were waiting to be selected we were given some great advice by my cousin, who had been through the same thing years before. She told us to make the most of our child-less time and enjoy doing the things we wouldn't be able to do (or do as easily) with a kid in tow. For she and her husband, that was joining a beach volleyball team and frequently hosting other couples for dinner and game nights. My husband and I both love to travel, so we did as much as our work/school schedules and budget would allow. We joined a FHE group of singles and other couples without kids in our area. And we set aside money for a "date budget" and made a conscious effort to explore the city that we were living in temporarily (for grad school).
We enjoyed other families and children. We had grad student friends with children, so we offered our free babysitting services and enjoyed playing and laughing with their kids without the responsibilities that come with being a parent. We were away from our families, but I would recommend working on being the "favorite" aunt and uncle if you have nieces and nephews. At the time we were waiting to be selected for our first child, I was the Activity Day Leader in our ward, and my husband served with the Young Men. We threw ourselves into our callings and did our best to be a positive influence to the children that were in our lives at the time.
Scot and I decided early on in our infertility treatments that we would not let our childlessness define us. We had faith that it was a period of our lives that would not be permanent, so we focused for the many other opportunities and blessings we had been given. Each time we have been in the position of "waiting," we continue on with, and enjoy our lives rather than focusing on what we don't have. We have chosen not to be offended by insensitive things others say. There have been times when that has been difficult, but we recognize that others who have not dealt with infertility or adoption nearly always mean well, they just don't know what might be hurtful or offensive.
I didn't want to go overboard on preparing for a baby, but there were a few things I was comfortable with. I used time to my advantage. We were on a tight budget, so I watched Craigslist for great deals on baby equipment that I knew we would need/want, such as a baby swing and a pack & play. I also kept an eye on sales at baby stores, and got great deals on a car seat and a stroller. Then I put them away in a closet, where I wouldn't be constantly reminded of them. Someone had recommended the book, What To Expect The First Year, so I bought a used copy and read up on the first four or five months of a baby's life.
More recently I read some advice from a birthmother that I really like. She told waiting couples to remember that they are not waiting for a child. They are waiting for THEIR child. If you believe that, it's not so painful to see friends and family members get pregnant, or to know that other adoptive couples are getting selected. Those babies were THEIR children, you're still waiting for YOUR child. We are now waiting to adopt a little boy from a foreign country. We have two children now, so the feelings of anticipation and impatience are different from the first time we waited. And the process is a little different than what we've been through before. But the longing to have this child come home to us and be a part of our family is just the same. I just remind myself that OUR child will join our family when the time is right. And in the meantime, our Heavenly Father is watching over both of us.
-Becca and Scot
Waiting was definitely the most difficult part of the adoption process. But we handled it the best way we knew how with our faith in the Lord. We knew that things would happen in His own due time, and we prayed for patience and understanding. It was not easy, but the Lord helped us so much. Once our new son Troy was placed in our arms, after waiting for four long years, we knew exactly why we had needed to wait this long. He was worth it!!! Just looking at Troy's face, we were so happy....we would have waited 20 years or more for this certain and most precious little boy. Suddenly the waiting made perfect sense. The Lord always knows what He is doing, and with faith in Him, the waiting will be worth it, and will be made easier for you. In the meantime, pray for patience. Keep active and busy. Be grateful for this big waiting time, and get things ready for the future. Because it will happen, and you will wish you had more time to get prepared. ;-) The key is faith in the Lord, knowing He wants you to have children, and that things will happen in His own due time.
Hope this will be helpful to a precious couple waiting patiently for the Lord to bless them. And don't worry, He always will. ;-)
-The JenBobTroy Family
When we made the choice to adopt it was a choice accompanied by spiritual guidance. With that guidance also came comfort in knowing that we were following the plan that the Lord had put in place for us. That comfort reminded me that since it was His plan for our family that it would be done in His time and that things would happen when they were meant to and that the child who was meant to be in our family would be with us. Thinking of it that way let me go about my everyday life, not worrying about it, knowing that the Lord was putting all things in motion for us. By committing to this we had put the plans of our family in his hands and would leave them there for him to fulfill them. We had also been told to pray for our birth mother, not for her to find us, but to pray for her personally whom ever she may be. When we started doing that, we felt the Spirit very strong,and became more in tune spiritually with the process and received strength. I also began to care for that yet to be known birth mother, and realized that we were not the only ones involved in this, and notwithstanding our yearning to have a family, we were not the main focus either. Thinking of her and what she must be thinking and going through helped take the focus off of us and not have so much anxiousness.
-Paul and Veronica
I have to say that the wait was definitely harder for me (Erin) than for my husband (Spencer). He is very much a "let go and let God" kind of person so he was okay with waiting; he knew that when the time was right our baby would come to us.
I, on the other hand, had real ups and downs as far as patience goes. Initially, I was very content and did my best to busy myself with my church calling and my job. I also busied myself with updating our profile frequently and fine-tuning and updating the website that we had created as a means for potential birthmoms to learn about us.
I will be honest and say that being patient and busy became more difficult for me as time went on. I really had to rely on faith and prayer. I also had a friend who was waiting at the same time. Thankfully, we seemed to go through periods of impatience at different times. She was a terrific cheerleader and was always willing to listen to my frustration--but she did not let me wallow.
-Erin and Spencer
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